If you don’t finish something or even start it, you can’t fail. This is the feeling of many people who don’t have the confidence, who don’t believe in themselves and who maybe don’t have any close friends or family who they can trust to give them constructive criticism. That is even if they could get up the courage to actually let someone read their work in the first place.
I know that many writers who want to write a book, have this feeling in the back of their head. That they are just not good enough and maybe never will be. So they don’t write anything. They forget that writing is like any other creative pursuit, it takes practice, the more you do it, the better you will become. Imagine if great painters like Van Gogh or Rembrandt had never got up the nerve to paint at all. Or were very sporadic in their work, then in later life, decide to paint something out of the blue and it’s not very good so they totally gave up. We would never have most of the great works we have now, if no-one ever practiced or just got on with it. If no-one ever got over their fears or lack of confidence in themselves or their work, society would look a lot different. We would still have some works of art and fantastic books, as there are people out there who don’t care what others think and they have enough confidence to go around. If only they could bottle it for the rest of us. But the world would be a lot different without, the Mona Lisa, or the statue of David for instance.
Some people are lucky enough to be born with innate talent, but even they have to actually put pen to paper, brush to canvas, or trowel to clay. Even they still improve over time. So why do some writers think they will be any different? A lot of creative types have the lack of confidence and are happier to stay in their (hovel or mansion) to do their thing, send it out and hope to never have to engage or talk about said work ever again. I’m not saying we are all like this, as history has shown us some writers are quite gregarious and love to take their work to the masses, attend events and even appear on TV or radio to discuss their work. I wonder though, how many of them are hiding a feeling of wanting to flee back to their home. Are just grinning and bearing it as it’s part of their contract. I also know that there are the split personality types who do like writing alone in their office, at the dining table or in a cafe/pub (the latter being my personal favourite). Then love it when they can break out and go on the book tours, meet the fans and make new ones. Personally the idea of having to go to a reading or book signing, makes me never want to put pen to paper ever again.
“Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer’s loneliness but I doubt if they improve his writing. He grows in public stature as he sheds his loneliness and often his work deteriorates. For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day.”
Ernest Hemingway
Hemingway wrote this as part of his acceptance speech for the Nobel prize in literature in 1954. It sounds like he knew himself pretty well by then. He was around 55 years of age and six years later he ended his own life. I’m not saying that all writers have angst and troubles, as there are lots of us that are content because we are doing what we love. I myself am at my happiest when writing a story, it’s when you stop that the negative thoughts creep in. Writing is lonely, even if you have a family on the other side of the office door, or waiting for you at home. You still have to do the work yourself, unless you have a writing partner. I’ve never done this, write with someone else, are the worry and nerves lessened if you have written with a partner? As if two of you think it’s okay then others must too.
“You’ve got to sell your heart, your strongest reactions, not the little minor things that only touch you lightly, the little experiences that you might tell at dinner. This is especially true when you begin to write, when you have not yet developed the tricks of interesting people on paper, when you have none of the technique which it takes time to learn. When, in short, you have only your emotions to sell.”
F Scott Fitzgerald
Even Scott Fitzgerald admits that you have to develop and learn your craft. I’m sure there are some writers out there who may have had their work published, with not too many rejections if any and that is great. But I’m sure some of them will still improve as time goes on and they may look back at their earlier works and wonder did they really write that. Writing isn’t easy, it is fulfilling and it is the best thing that I have ever done, but it is also the hardest, the most time consuming the most angst ridden, the scariest thing I have ever done. Yet I still love it, it makes me happy and when I finish a session I am smiling. I feel proud of myself, even if I’ve written fewer words than I had intended, because I know that on another day I will do more words than I’d planned.
“The scariest moment is always just before you start.”
Stephen King
I’m not sure if King meant the whole project or the beginning of each session. Either way it is true, that blank piece of paper is the thing of nightmares. I just wanted to show that even the most seasoned and famous of writers have their fears or worries about the next project. Will it be as good as the last, will this be the book that bombs, will I even finish this manuscript?
We are not alone. It is okay to have fears, to stress over your book, to worry that you’re not good enough. That you won’t fail if you don’t finish it. If you don’t send it out, you can’t get rejected. I for one have had all these thoughts and more and yes it has stopped me from writing anything, for weeks and even months. Also I haven’t even touched on the actual hard work, that is involved, the actual writing. Even if you have gone to university or college and took an English degree or creative writing course, the actual nitty gritty of putting one word after another is hard. To find the perfect word, to put the apostrophes in the correct place, to know when to put a comma or a full stop. The story line may sound exciting and be fuelled with heros and events, but it’s the in-between bits that are hard to write. How your characters get from A to B, how they talk, what they wear, how they speak and interact. Should I get to the basics and make them go to the lavatory and eat, or is it just assumed that they do pee and have their dinner. It is not easy, but it can be fun in a perverse masochistic kind of way.
But something seems to have changed with me lately, I seem to have got over the fear or the procrastination, for a time anyway. Maybe I have worked it through in my head so many times that I have come out the other side. We shall have to see how long it lasts and yes, I have been writing this blog rather than working on my project, but it’s a start and at least I’m writing something, practice, practice, practice.
Be good.
C.
Christine Robins 